Be the best mom

The lesson I learned…

The best mothers take on everything by themselves and sacrifice their well-being and even their happiness for their family. They are kin to martyrs. A good mother will forfeit their free time, personal interests, comfort, sleep, well-being, and health for the sake of their family.

Let me be clear; I would give my life for my kids.

That’s not what I’m talking about here.

I am talking about always giving all of yourself, to others, in ways that are significant to you but inconsequential to them.

Sacrificing when there is no need to sacrifice.

Forgoing for the sake of forgoing.

The problems with this…

You deny your own needs. Needs that are essential to your happiness.

You teach your children and anyone else that’s paying attention that your needs and therefore your happiness is not important.

The example you set for the future versions of your children is that taking care of yourself is not important; it’s even selfish.

You deny yourself time to rest, renew, revive, restore, recharge, and revitalize, leading to burnout, overwhelming stress, and unhappiness.

When you are burnt out, stressed, and unhappy, you feel resentment towards the people you are sacrificing for, defeating the entire purpose.

You feel resentment towards those that take care of themselves and don’t sacrifice the way you do.

If you allow yourself to indulge in “me time” from time to time, it usually creates feelings of guilt and unworthiness.

You impose a great burden on yourself, never asking for help which you believe suggests that you are not sacrificing enough. You should be able to do it all on your own. If you can’t, what kind of mother are you?

I began motherhood this way, and it wasn't pleasant. I didn’t like being a mother this way. It was exhausting and frustrating. It wasn’t enjoyable for me, and it wasn’t enjoyable for my family.

Overcoming the lesson…

I don’t remember the exact moment I decided it was important for me to take care of myself.

I think it was a gradual process. I slowly started doing things for myself and ignored the guilt that I initially felt.

It didn’t take long to realize that I was a much better person – mother, wife, friend, employee, etc. when I took care of myself.

This realization eliminated the guilt.

It also made it easier for me to be happy for others (like my husband) when he took time for himself.

I recognized that I don’t need to be responsible for it all.

I recognized that my happiness is important, and it benefits all of us.

Please,

Be the person that shows them what it looks like to give yourself a break when you are overwhelmed.

Be the person that shows them what it looks like to take care of your mind and body.

Be the person that shows them how important self-care is.

Be the person that shows them how to enjoy life.

Be the person that teaches them that they are responsible for their own happiness.

Please do not sacrifice your happiness for anybody.

Even your kids.

There is no upside, only consequences.

To all of you moms out there, please take care of yourselves. Your happiness is just as important as your family’s. Self-care and self-love are critical to your contentment.

When you are happy, it spreads to your family.

Taking care of yourself is so far from being selfish.

Show them what it means to love yourself.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Until next time…

Michele